What If...Turn Around, Girl! You're Going the Wrong Way!

Ever been there?  I'm sure you have.  We all have.  That thought goes through my head a lot, what if I can't do it, what if I fail, what if it's not right...., but this morning, I decided I would kind of turn it around, what if I can do it, what if I won't fail, what if it is right? 

The thought crossed my mind several times over the last two weeks since "taking a break" from running and training for my half-marathon.  What if I can't do the 13.1 miles?  What if I run out of gas?  What if my foot hurts that day?  What if I fall behind?  What if I cross the finish line in last place?   Or...my latest fear...what if I end up running the wrong route?

It's been almost two years since the first day I ran.  My thoughts have been on this anniversary for a while.  In fact, the other day, I think I actually posted that it would be a three-year anniversary, but in looking back today, it's been two years. 

Why did I think it was three?  I just realized as I sat here looking back at old posts that the reason is that now I think of myself as "a runner".  I no longer think of myself as a person striving to be a runner.  No.  Now I think of myself as a runner and feel like I've always been doing it, when actually, it's only been 24 months.   24 Months!!!!  And now I'm training for a half-marathon!

I think back to that day when I started running for the first time.  I just woke up that morning and decided to try it.  There was absolutely no thoughts in my mind like what if I can't do it, what if I fail, what if someone is watching, what if someone laughs, which, now that I think back, was ONE OF THE BIGGEST CHANGES IN ME.  Instead, I got up that morning and thought, "I'm going to run", more like "What if I can run a mile."  All I knew was I was going to run a mile, and I did.   Without questioning myself, I just got out there and starting moving on the track.   It was an important turning point in my life.

So  this morning, I'm once again turning it around.  What if I can do the 13.1 miles? What's next?  Another half maybe?   What if I don't run out of gas, and what if I actually beat my expected time? What if my foot doesn't hurt that day? Might I actually do better than I would ever expect?  What if I don't fall behind? What if I cross the finish line still feeling strong?  Or...my latest fear...what if I end up running the wrong route?  Well, if I end up running the wrong route, what if I just keep going anyway, find my way, and still cross the finish line?  

I don't know the answers to any of these questions for sure, but I know that I will do my best.  That's all I can, my best at that very moment.  I do know that I can do it and I will do it.  Will I run the whole way?  Don't know, but I know I will continue to move.  Will I have a good race time?  I don't know, but I know I will have the best time that I can on that particular day.  I will do my very best.  I will cross that finish line.  As for losing my way, well, I sure hope not!  

So now, to end this post for today, switch away from running for a second.  What if I have a bad day and don't make good choices?  Well, okay, it happens.  What if the next day, I have a good day and make great choices?  What if I just try right now, today, this morning, at this moment?  Little by little, I creep along, sometimes good, sometimes great, sometimes not so good, but I keep trying, stay positive, and MOVE ON.

For me, I am on this journey for the rest of my life, day in, day out.  I have had a weight issue for my entire life.   For me, it's not something that's going to just "go away" because I'm now at goal weight.  No.  I will still have to focus on eating healthy and exercising for the rest of my life.  But it's a task I am willing to accept every single day, because I don't ever want to go back. 

P.S.  I did get back out and run yesterday.  I didn't track the mileage, just went to a local park and my only goal was to run more than 30 minutes.  I did and it felt great to move again, did wonders for me physically and emotionally.  And running on a windy day definitely adds a level of cardio!